Sometimes letting go can be daunting, but it is also necessary when you are being drained of your energy. If it doesn’t lift you up, what’s the point. Walk away as quickly as possible and don’t look back.
I’ve still been talking to her, I am/was engaged and I take commitment seriously. I would have never proposed if I wasn’t willing to put up a fight for our relationship. But you can only fight so long when you are the only one fighting to survive. I will always love her, but the ungrateful energy being projected on me everyday has finally taken its toll. So many broken promises and false hopes has finally awoken me to my reality. She promised to be by my side during my time of healing after my surgery. Her work even approved a 4 week paid vacation to be with me in my time of recovery. It doesn’t get better than that right. But she changed her mind as usual because I question her intentions. She is really addicted to social media…the fantasy world of our generation. My thoughts on social media is that I wouldn’t have any of it if I wasn’t doing music. And soon I hope the success of my music will allow me to live a private life. It’s just the game I have to play until I get to that point. It’s a meaningless fantasy world that has taken control of so many lives and ruined so many relationships. But yet people are addicted to the attention, likes and comments. If you really think about it, what’s the world coming too. Even the President of the United States uses it as a platform. It’s gotten pretty gnarly.
Today was amazing. I completed all my tests for surgery and now I’m just waiting for my blood work to come back. I’m beginning to prepare my mind, body and soul for all possibilities good and bad.
Everything happens for a reason. God is in control and whatever is his will, will be done. If I am meant to be in the hospital alone, then so be it. If my recovery at home is meant to be alone, then so be it. What I realize most is that you cannot count on anyone but yourself. I’m waiting for a miracle to happen, but stubbornness and pride will get the best of this situation. You cannot change the way people are. You just accept, pray and hope for the best. The people meant to be in my life the next 12 weeks of rehabilitation will be there. A life and death situation will show people’s true colors and maybe God is trying to send the message that no matter how much you love someone, they might not love you the way you need to be loved. Well that’s all I have for tonight. Time to make dinner, shrimp tacos! Yay!
Til next time,