All my blogs are very personal and I’m willing to spill my guts about my personal life. It’s therapy for me. Writing is a good way to release the things that affect you on the inside. So here goes this…
I’ve been doing my best to be the best fiance and partner I can be. My entire life has shifted so I can be accustomed to the 4 hour time difference in Argentina. They are 4 hours ahead of West coast time. I go to sleep at 2am during the week because she wakes up at 4:30am for work. I stay on the phone with her to make sure she makes it to work safely. When I wake up at 8:30am, it’s her lunch break. 11am she is off work. I’ve rearranged my entire life for this woman. It’s sweet right. When you love someone, you will do anything for them. Which I’m doing.
I’ve been experiencing a paradigm shift in my consciousness since I stopped drinking. Everyday something amazing happens. It’s the honest to God truth. Now that I have my own place I’ve been feeling that my life has entered a state of stillness, peace and tranquillity. It’s been very eye opening about the people who are in my life. I realize who I need in my life and who I don’t.
Now I’m going to be honest. My fiance plays games with my mind all the time. She toys with my heart and emotions as if she gets off on hurting the people who love her. I’m beginning to realize that I am not getting anything positive out of this relationship. I never know what kind of mood she is in. One day she loves me, the next day she blocks my calls. This has been going on from the beginning of our relationship that began in April. I’m beginning to realize that I fell hard in love with this woman. I feel like the biggest fool for putting down my walls and loving unconditionally for the first time in a very long time.
Everything was all good today until I tried communicating my feelings about the games she plays. Of course she manipulates the situation and tries to pin everything on me as though it’s my fault for the things she does to me.
One of the Marley’s is performing at a club next to her place in Buenos Aires. She promised she was going to spend the night video chatting with me, but twisted some bullshit for an excuse to go to the concert with a bunch of men. Obviously trying to get me worked up and hurt me intentionally. And she said she was going to call me while she was with all these men. Wow, pretty fucked up shit.
Here’s the kicker…
I felt no emotions. I wasn’t upset or hurt. I really didn’t give a fuck. She showed her true colors and it makes me laugh. I gave everything I had in this relationship to make it work. Sometimes your best isn’t good enough. You need to know when to fold and walk away. I guess being sober makes you see and feel things different. Especially now that I have an awesome home all to myself, priorities changed. The things I would go nuts over while I was drunk are so petty.
I’m at a point in my life that I’m coming up in a big way. My music career is on point and paying off. I begin modeling this month. Next month, I’m going to Los Angeles for a reading and audition for the lead role in a film. Yes, I’m serious. Sometimes a woman can be the devil in disguise trying to suck the life out of you. I gladly say this, I rebuke you. My focus is my relationship with God, my son and my career.