Good morning and Aloha Sunday.
I am very happy that things are semi under control in my life. Bottomline, we must love ourselves before we can love another. We are the priority that needs attention. We must be well for our children and loved ones to give them the best love possible.
The past 4 weeks of my life were very horrific. It all began the Sunday leading up to my birthday. I went to church and afterwards everything came crashing down. I think I can pinpoint how everything started…
It began with a thought that led to a question and then the bombs began falling on me as if I was caught in a Vietnamese jungle. Hundreds of bombs falling with no place to run. I was sad and afraid. I didn’t understand why I was being targeted. What did I do so wrong???
I did my best to handle the pressure of losing my existence. I almost succumbed to death. Yes that is true, I could have possibly died. I was rather close to it that’s for sure. But at that point death no longer scared me. I welcomed it to take me out of my misery. Pills, alcohol and a razor blade.
Yes I do have scars now, which I can look at to remind myself that I survived. Not everyone gets second chances, but I did and I thank God for it everyday.
I spent time in the mental institution as well, which was a more harrowing experience than beneficial. The doctor wouldn’t let me leave because I refused the lithium pills he was trying to put me on. I was not willing to sacrifice my soul and creativity so they could have me walking around like a zombie. I was in the lockdown ward of the hospital. Very fucken unreal experience. Never again…
I say that now and that’s what I pray for. I just hope the darkness doesn’t come back to haunt me. I wear my rosary to protect me from the evil spirits in the universe trying to capture my soul once again.
Just know that now I am alive, safe and my well being has improved with the help of a friend. I just need to remind myself to walk in the light.
I love you all,