I am writing these stories to give you an insight of who I am as a person and the events that have shaped me into the man I am today. I have no problem exposing myself and my past to everyone. No one in this world is perfect and I am far from it.
My life was devastated by my mental illness in the fall of 2009. I had achieved everything I setout to do and life was amazing. Let me rewind things a bit.
The first time I experienced a psychotic episode was NYE of 2005. It was the scariest experience I ever had. The feeling of not being able to control your own mind or thoughts is not cool. Convinced that there is a giant conspiracy by everyone in the world to have me murdered. It’s really difficult to explain how these experiences would stop on their own and I have only shared this with 4 people. The out of body spiritual experience that concluded the paranoia was the most amazing outcome. From being gravely scared to complete bliss in a matter of minutes. The contrast of these highs and lows still baffles me to this day.
They happened only a handful of times building up to 2009. Prior to the episode that had me hospitalized for a week, I had been enlightened and living in the NOW completely tuned in to The Law of Attraction. I was happy!
In September, after my first studio session that brought out my record High Tide, things began to change. My reality had shifted from joy to fear. I was fearful of my neighbors, I was afraid of my record producer, I was intimidated by the label I signed to. In a general perspective, I was scared shitless of everything! This lasted an entire month. I couldn’t sleep, I was having grandiose thoughts, and that was my reality. I could not distinguish between my distorted reality and the actual reality that was really happening in the world. I quit my job, I had no money to pay my rent or bills, everything was fucked.
Eventually, my girlfriend at the time took me to the hospital. I was medicated, I woke up and everything was back to normal. What an experience. But I still question to this day, was it real or not?